“Tension”

And relaxation

Thinking about the word ‘tension’ this week, I immediately thought of this quote. I’ve kept this saying (most often credited as a Chinese proverb) as a favorited screenshot on my phone for a long time:

Noticing the tension in my body

When I went to therapy for the first time, five and a half years ago, I knew anxiety was holding me back in some ways, but I didn’t realize how much it affected my physical body, too, until the therapist had me keep a mood tracker for a week. I had to write down what I was doing, thinking, feeling, and any physical sensations, several times a day.

During that week, I noticed that I’d be sitting in the cubicle of my first job—everyone around me not caring much at all about the work—and yet I was nervous. I was tense in my shoulders, neck, throat, and legs almost all day long. I was carrying a lot more mental and physical anxiety than I had ever been aware of.

“Who you think you should be” vs. “Who you are”

The feeling that I should be a certain person, or that my life should look a certain way can originate from so many sources: societal norms, cultural and religious pressures or traditions, familial expectations, and lack of inspiring role models. What I wanted in my life ten years ago is vastly different from what I want now. And I attribute that difference to my old goals being more about “who I thought I should be.”

Letting go of anxiety and tension—and instead, leaning into relaxation—has helped me connect to what I truly want, and who I truly am. Intuition can’t come to me when I’m tense; my mind is cluttered with worry and planning. But when I’m relaxed, I’m open—to inspiration, new ideas, and callings of my heart.

Moving toward relaxation

Growing up anxious, and in a family of hardworking farmers and small family businesses, I wasn’t around much relaxation. (Although maybe that’s the case for most people in the US because of capitalism’s demands for work, work, work.)

So, learning to relax is something I worked on for a while, and am still working on—through a number of different modalities, like talk therapy, somatic therapy, coaching, and manifesting through To Be Magnetic. I want to be relaxed to feel better and happier, but maybe even more than that, on some level, I think I also know I can’t actually be myself unless I’m relaxed. Just like the proverb says.

Where to go from here

“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” — It feels so simple, yet groundbreaking, to let my body’s sensations (its inner, innate knowing) guide me. Sometimes this can be seen in a tiny moment. I’m sitting at a table, writing on my laptop, when I notice my shoulders tense and up toward my ears. I think: ‘Why am I tense? Am I putting pressure on myself because I think I “should” be doing something?’ I let my shoulders drop, I let out an exhale, and I peer out the window for a minute, seeing how lovely the trees look outside. I take myself out of a moment of tension, and as soon as I relax, I suddenly feel more connected to myself.

I’ll leave you on this note: When I did a Google image search for “tension,” 10 out of the first 10 photos showed a tense person who was indoors. When I did a Google image search on “relaxation,” 9 out of the first 10 photos showed a person outdoors.

Do you think your time spent inside vs. outside affects how tense or relaxed you are?